Do It Scared

Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that is the one that is going to help you grow. -Caroline Myss

It was a really cold morning at 5 am and I was dedicated to working out on my treadmill before the hustle and bustle of the days events began. Music blared inside my ears but my thoughts seemed to rise above the noice.

“God, I just need to know what to do. I’m scared my life is going to have to change drastically and I’m not ready. But I feel your pull. Sustain me and provide for us. I trust you…”

We were on the verge of making a huge leap of faith. My nature was to be full of anxiety. To control every little detail. My spirit was directing me to a place I didn’t understand but for some reason was drawn to. It would be the first leap of faith we’d ever take as a couple without some sort of guarantee on the other side.

I sat down to begin writing my first book this evening. I’ve had a title and structure for the book for close to a year. I’d always found some reason or another to never sit down and get started. The blank page freaked me out.

And then I took a deep breath. 

Not trying to control anything but simply writing what came to mind. My fingers flew across the page with a speed I didn’t expect. My energy grew with each stroke of the keyboard. I felt a rush of excitement, energy, and passion I never expected to feel. I got to end of the first section of the first chapter. It felt right. It felt strange.

I’ve had those moments before. When something feels right and very strange all at the same time. The story I first began with was the first time I can recall feeling those same thoughts and emotions. The rest of that story didn’t turn out as expected or as well as I’d hoped. The mess of that choice is still a part of my life today. A new life was birthed after the destruction of my old life and ways of thinking. I think embarking on this new journey of writing feels very much the same. Because everything matters so much. Failure can’t ever be an option.

We can’t always control everything that happens to us. We have to be open to things turning out differently than we expect. We have to chose gratitude. Your life will never change and you will never grow without pain, disappointment, and instability. You’ll never realize what you’re capable of until you have to prove what your made of in times of great stress.

Every opportunity is great opportunity. It all comes down to perspective. Believe that anything is possible. Take hope that everything happens for a reason. Choose to respond instead of react to life. Take each thought captive and change it to a positive. You only fail when you don’t try.

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