Marriage is fun! I always hear people say that marriage is hard. You know what? I’m tired of hearing that. We need to put more good out in the world. Give people hope that marriage is actually worth it. Our divorce rates are declining because most people aren’t even getting married any more- because, what’s the point?
We chose a life partner to share everything with- the really great, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We chose someone to be by our side through thick and thin. From experience as a marriage and family counselor the majority of problems I see with couples stem from not making one another a priority.
There’s a mindset that marriage becomes boring and difficult. It doesn’t have to and I’m going to tell you how to keep it from getting there.
- Spend quality time together every day. In therapist terms this is called rituals of connection. It can be for 15 minutes at 3 hours. Your choice but stick to it. My husband and I have coffee together every morning. We talk about life, work, fatigue, hopes, and dreams. You can talk about anything you want.
- Do fun things together-often! This doesn’t mean go out and spend a bunch of money every week. Don’t do the stuffy and cliche dinner and a movie (unless thats you’re thing and you both love it). Go find something new and different to do together. Set a budget and both of you get creative to stay within it.
- Do fun things apart. Support each other in developing friendships, relaxing, and exploring new hobbies that you may find fun. Then share your experiences with each other. Not only will you enjoy life a little more but it will give ya’ll something fun to talk about while practicing step 1.
- Talk about sex and have it. The key to sex is not quantity, its quality. Are you talking about what you like and don’t like? Sex is fun and if you don’t feel that way the first thing you need to work on is your mindset. Sometimes we don’t know how to relax and have fun and we view sex as another chore. Remember there was a time when you did enjoy it and its an important part of your relationship. Rearrange your life, mindset, and conversation to reflect a healthy and fun sex life.
- Know one another’s world. What does the average day look like for your partner? What are their hopes and dreams? What is bothering them or stressing them out right now? How can you support one another in life right now? What’s your partner’s love language? It all goes back to step 1. Take time to get to know your partner. This is where we develop realistic expectations for our partner and find out how to share in life together so no one gets overloaded, neglected, or rejected in your relationship.
- Bring other couples into your life. Go out and get to know people, join groups, host parties, say yes when people invite you out, or join a small group. Surround yourself with people who will speak life into your relationship and encourage you. This is a great way to inject more fun into your relationship.
- Get help if you need it! Don’t just go to any therapist. Find a therapist who has specific training in marriage work. Marriage and Family Therapists have more training in marriage work then an LCSW or LPC. Therapists with those other licenses may also have additional training in marriage work. Just ask! But don’t wait too long to seek help.
Friendship is the foundation for a great marriage. Work on building that aspect of your relationship up. Change your mindset about marriage and watch your marriage change. Yes, marriage takes work. Yes, marriage is not always easy-but its totally worth it!
Marriage is fun!