I crave stability. Tell me what to do and how to do it and it’ll be taken care of. I grew up thinking in absolutes, black and white. The way I perceived the world was the truth and if you didn’t agree with me you were wrong. I hated difficult questions and experiences because I believed questioning life and my worldview meant I lacked faith.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that really nothing is black and white. What we’re craving is stability and certainty which both can be elusive in different seasons of life. Our minds become closed because we fear what we don’t understand.
In both coaching and therapy I prefer to ask really tough questions. The most common answer I hear is, “I don’t know”. I love that because it means we’ve touched on an area of growth. I heard a quote recently that I love, “it’s ok to fear the answers, but you can’t avoid them”. So much of life is in the gray area. People make choices and have beliefs based upon their experiences and our minds process information very differently.
I’ve started to explore spiritual psychology that focuses on the internal experience of a person. The idea that we can change our lives by reprogramming our brains to think a different way. One of the ways to do that is repitious affirmations. Start with the words “I am” and insert any thing you’d like to become, i.e. open-minded, generous, smart, loving, learning, growing… write a list and make copies. Repeat it throughout the day for any area in your life you’d like to see improvement.
Leave room for change, new opportunities, questions, and answers. Don’t look for absolutes but practice being open to faith, love, compassion, and the beautiful world that is all around you.