Maintain Your Sex Life After Kids

Picture this: you have a beautiful new baby. You’re exhausted but happy. You and your partner haven’t been intimate in months but you expected that. The sex will come back once your baby/babies are older, right?

Turns out, that isn’t always the case. I hear from plenty of couples in my therapy practice who struggle to keep their spark going even with older children at home.

The hard part about raising babies and being in a romantic partnership is that children take all of our time and energy in the early years and before you know it, you may feel like you’ve completely lost interest in sex after all that time not having it regularly.

The truth is, parents can often feel overwhelmed and over touched by the end of the day and not want to connect with one another. And then what happens when you are feeling frisky but then your kid’s banging on the door asking for a snack during the middle of your quickie in the bathroom? It can really kill the mood.

So what’re a couple of parents to do?

First, it’s really important that we create times of non-sexual intimacy and focus on communicating needs for connection often with one another. Many couples will simply fight about the lack of sex —often blaming the other partner— and then we don’t get anywhere.

Instead, think of how you can develop intimacy throughout the day with sweet texts, snuggling on the couch or dinner without devices.

Remember: sex is all about pleasure and there are many ways to feel pleasure without penetration.

Focus first on figuring out what pleasure is and talk to your partner to create an environment for that. And while sex isn’t the end-all-be-all, it’s a helpful barometer of health in a relationship and your children deserve to have parents in a happy, healthy partnership. If you haven’t had sex with your partner in more than 6 months and you’re feeling overwhelmed with how to get back on track, please reach out to me for guidance!