10 Books Every Couple Should Read
Listen: we don’t know what we don’t know, right? And what you don’t know, you can’t fix.
If you’re anything like me, you grew up in a home where your parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had at the time. But now you might be realizing that’s falling short, especially when it comes to navigating relationships...
The good news is: it’s never too late to learn a new way and understand yourself (and your partner) better!
Even if your relationship is rock-solid, seeking new information and deepening your knowledge can make even the best relationship even better.
Don’t forget: reading books is a great starting place but if you and your partner find it difficult to communicate or use the skills you're learning, please reach out to our office for support!
Here’s a round-up of my absolute favorite books for couples based on my years as a Certified Gottman Method Couples and Sex Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
Relationship/Communication:
What Makes Love Last by John Gottman
This book gives a detailed look inside the research of what makes love last. John Gottman is the leading researcher in the field of marriage and family therapy. In this book he provides a breakdown of his more than 40+ years of research. Using examples of couples in his research and practical tools to teach couples how to create and sustain a lasting relationship.
Hold Me Tight by Susan Johnson
Have you ever heard of attachment theory? In this book, Dr. Susan Johnson guides couples through a practical look into what our attachment style might be and how it connects with our partner’s attachment style. Our attachment style is heavily influenced by our upbringing and important childhood relationship that gives us our relationship to our needs and the needs of others. This insightful book will help you pull out patterns in your relationship plus practical tools on how to manage your differences in attachment to your partner.
7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
A practical guide that will help all couples! If you’re looking to start with the basics and enjoy taking assessments (who doesn’t love a good BuzzFeed quiz?!) this book is for you. One of John Gottman’s earliest books, he breaks down how to build a healthy friendship with your partner, manage conflict, and build a sustainable future with your partner.
Love Sense by Sue Johnson
If you’re a book nerd like me and love research-look no further! This book details how attachment styles are built, how they affect our long-term relationships, and what we can do to begin healing our attachment wounds. Dr. Susan Johnson takes a deep dive intro brain scan studies and our earliest research on attachment.
Sexuality
Come As You Are by Emily Nagawoski
Want to know more about the female body and it’s response to sex? This book is for you! Filled with grace, empathy and a lot of research. Whether you’re a woman wanting to understand your sexuality or a male partner wanting to understand more about your partner’s response to sex, this book will guide you through the research and practical tools you can use to enhance your sexual appetite and reduce the issues that lead to reduced sexual desire.
Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber
Grow up in the church and have mixed feelings about your body and sexuality? This book is written by an ordained minister who seeks to serve the church community through the use of biblical wisdom and insight to transform what you think about your body and sexual expression.
Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy by Tina Sellers
Another great book about how religion shapes what we believe about sex. An in-depth look at how shame has shaped much of our culture in a way that reduces our ability to practice curiosity about our bodies, what we want in a relationship, and what we can do to change that.
Magnficient Sex by Peggy Kleinplatz
A book that references one of the largest studies done about sex in modern culture. Want to know the secrets of amazing sex across the spectrum? This is a great read for you. The authors surveyed and compiled results from people from all different walks of life and relationship styles to understand what makes sex magnificent and how to build those principles into your life and relationships.
She Comes First by Ian Kerner
Written by a Sex Therapist, this book seeks to support the male partner in understanding their female partner’s anatomy and needs when it comes to sex. You’ll find practical tools and insight into how to give your partner the best sex of her life!
He Comes Next by Ian Kerner
The follow up book to She Comes First. This book is for the female partner wanting to understand their male partner’s body and needs regarding sex. This book gives you practical insight into how to pleasure your male partner.
These books are a great starting point on the path to building and sustain a long-term relationship and sexual life. Remember: none of these books are one-size fits all. Take from them what you need and make sure to journal your thoughts.
I always ask myself when going through any book:
How does this pertain to me?
What do I believe to be true in regards to this specific topic?
Do I see this showing up in my relationship?
If you want to explore any of these topics in depth, the therapists in our Georgetown, TX office are well-versed and ready to support you on your journey, in-person or remotely through online sessions!