How to Process and Release Hard Emotions
Do you ever feel like your emotions get in the way sometimes?
It can feel like they’re pesky and don’t go away unless we force them deep within ourselves (and usually with bad habits). But the funny thing about emotions is that until we address them they will come out, just in other ways.
When we do this –bypassing emotions– we give away pieces of ourselves to others, things and experiences that often leave us feeling depleted and wanting to run away. Getting your power back requires the hard work of spending time with your emotions, attempting to understand where they’re coming from and what these emotions need you to do.
Many of us are scared to face our emotions or don’t even know where to begin because having and handling emotions effectively –especially hard ones– wasn’t a thing we did growing up. How can we do something we don’t know how to do? How can we process something we’ve never learned to process before?
Let’s look at three steps to get more in touch with your emotions so you can release them and return to your power.
Step One: Label Your Emotions
It’s important to start with knowing that most of us only use five basic emotions: happy, sad, frustrated, tired and angry.
These are actually surface level or secondary emotions. These means they are easy emotions to grab on to but give very little insight into our true emotional landscape and needs.
Our emotions teach us about how we show up in the world and with others. Without knowing what our emotions are by labeling them effectively we end up self-sabotaging ourselves, relationships and dreams.
To help you move beyond those five surface level emotions, search online for an “emotional vocabulary” sheet. Find one you like and print it out or take a picture of it on your phone to have handy.
Here’s how to put your emotional vocabulary sheet into practice:
At some point throughout the day –ideally a quiet moment in the morning or evening when you have a chance to reflect– take a look at your emotional vocabulary sheet and without judgment write down or choose as many of the emotions that stick out to you. Don’t over think this or try to understand why those emotions are there for you– they simply are and that’s okay!
This practice is a great starting point as it makes you become more aware of your emotions and allows you to give a name to them. Sometimes we feel so much that all we can decipher about our emotions is intense overwhelm. Labeling your emotions helps empower you to see what is really happening and shapes what you do in the next two steps.
Step Two: Get Curious
It’s easy to jump to conclusions about our emotions or even judge ourselves for having certain emotions. Many of us want to hit the “easy button” when it comes to life and get rid of pesky, hard emotions.
The goal of this second step is to really harness your power. You’ve learned how to label emotions and now you need to understand why those emotions are there. Be really gentle with yourself during this step because it is easy to get judgmental and shut down.
Remember: our emotions are trying to share something with us about our lives and relationships.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when it comes to your emotions:
Where is this emotion coming from?
When does this emotion come up for me and with whom?
Do these emotions give me a desire to act in a certain way? (For example, avoid or work harder)
What have I learned in my life about this particular emotion? (For example, “no one cares if I’m sad, I have to just put my head down and move on”)
Getting curious about our emotions takes time and effort. You won’t always be able to answer those questions. The goal is to keep trying and asking yourself questions instead of shaming yourself for having those emotions. The more you practice this step the easier it will become.
Also, know that the more you understand yourself the more you will have to make decisions down the road that are harder and require more change. Breaking old habits can make us feel uneasy– this fear is normal because even though many of us don’t like what we do, it is what we know and change is harder than just accepting what comes most naturally.
Step Three: Educate Yourself
This journey of learning your emotions and getting curious about their origin is a lifelong process. It requires focus and energy with a deep desire to keep learning. The more you know and understand about yourself the better you become at making decisions that are aligned with your values and give you back your peace and power.
You may find that getting a counselor will help you with labeling your emotions, which is great! You may find that trauma at some point in your life has made you afraid of your emotions and you need support to walk through those experiences and set healthy boundaries with people in your life.
Remember to give yourself grace and compassion as you learn to process and release hard emotions. Sometimes you might feel like you don’t know what is coming next or how it will all work out. You have to put one foot in front of the other. Think about what is the one next step you can take. Try not to focus on the destination of being an emotions guru.
Start with learning and identifying your own emotions and seeing yourself through the lens of love and kindness, as the first step in returning to your power.